Lessons, Worthlessness

Thinking about things too much sucks. Again I feel like I'm at a certain point in my life but I've accomplished nothing of worth. I feel like I should have done more by now. I can't stand it, I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I can't imagine what I'm going to do in a few years and that thought scares me. I have no plan for the future, I feel like I'm at a dead end where I am standing right now.

I've had enough of wasting my life in secondary school. I figure the final lesson that I ought to take from my days in Anderson Sec. is that wasting your life sucks hard. Wasting your talent, your time here on earth, it's not a good thing. Sure, I joke about being a bum, slacking around doing nothing all day, but really that is exactly what I don't want to do.

Poly would have been my pennance for secondary school. It would have been where I would have picked my life up, started building something solid, started living. At least that was my plan. I knew what I was doing back there. Here, I don't know. I feel an emptiness, without a sense of direction. Confused by my new environment.

Now I study at AMA, but I don't know, it just doesn't feel right to me. I get demoralized by the classes there I suppose. I get demoralized when the teachers say how AMA sucks. It makes me second guess the reason why I am there. It makes me want to move to a different school.

Ugh. Then people start saying "It's not the school, it's the person". I guess I should believe that but somehow I feel like I'm being shortchanged by studying in AMA. Like I *ought* to be able to go to a better school. I guess it sounds stupid when I say it, but I feel like I deserve a better education, like what AMA is teaching me stunts my growth more than helping me.

You know what though? At the final exams for english, I had to write an essay about what I learned from studying the subject that wasn't directly taught to me. What I wrote was this: there is a hidden lesson in everything, something much more important than what is taught. That if we would only take the time to reflect, to dig deeper, we would uncover this hidden lesson much like a buried treasure.

I think the lesson that I ought to take is that of personal development. More than just developing my mind. I ought to take time to develop myself as a person. I never really developed much as a person in my old school days. AMA could be an opportunity. I ought to take a stand, I ought to be more assertive. I ought to reveal more of myself maybe? I'm thinking of her :)

Floating Lazily Down a Stream

Still dunno if anyone from the class actually reads this. *shrugs*

Anyway, since yesterday I guess, I've been in a state of... something. Maybe happiness, dunno. It's been so long since I've felt it that its such a foreign sensation. Like is in the air? I still feel weird. I still don't know how to proceed.

Monday was.. irunno, on impulse I did something, now it feels out of control.. in a good way. Tuesday, uhm, "glands" (Terry Pratchett reference!) were on overdrive. Thinking about nothing would put me in a state of euphoria almost. I felt like a giddy school girl. Gah. So out of character for me.

I still don't know what to do. I have fears. Fears of rejection fears of the unknown. Fears of letting someone down. Feelings are so conflicting. And I wonder if I could survive an interrogation like what we put a certain somebody through. Will I be able to reveal? Do I know? I'm trying to examine my feelings, wondering why and if it is reason enough. I want a relationship to be more than just "because".

A song in my playlist sums up my feelings quite well. Except maybe for the L word. I can't call it that yet. Gah, why do I make it sounds like such a bad word. The White Stripes - Fell In Love With a Girl

Fell in love with a girl
fell in love once and almost completely
she's in love with the world
but sometimes these feelings
can be so misleading
she turns and says are you alright?
I said I must be fine cause my heart's still beating
come and kiss me by the riverside,
bobby says it's fine he don't consider it cheating

Can't think of anything to do
my left brain knows that
all love is fleeting
she's just looking for something new
and I said it once before
but it bears repeating

It's not IRC

http://www.applegeeks.com/comic_archive/viewcomic.php?issue=125

Heh, okay, this link was posted on IRC over at #danwa. Maybe I should have tried it out during this travesty. Nahhh.. I'm thinking no. Mum was there and so was little Lyshiel so it would have been really really weird.

And I spend too much time on IRC. Oh, and I haven't gotten my webcomic fix yet! It's monday, comic update day! Doh!

Apparently, Eternal Isn't Forever

!@#$. Apparently, I missed the run of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in the cinema near my school. Kinda pissed really. Before I left SG, Thomas (may his netless soul rest in peace) highly recommended the film, so I was quite looking forward to watching it. I do realize though how much I took Singapore cinema for granted. Seriously, it's been three months since Tom recommended it and it only ran last week or something.

Meh, I guess I either have to find another cinema showing it or be resigned to not seeing it at all. Dangit, and when I went to the cinemas last week with my classmates, it was showing but they didn't want to watch it. !@#$.

The Aftermath

This is a follow up to my previous post.

After posting that, I did run downstairs to try to skateboard. Then my sister came out and then went back inside, which uhm, kinda made me feel guilty. So I ducked back in to stash the board and then went right back out. So much for feeling guilty.

This time, I decided to hang out on the balcony. It's really really nice to go up there, especially when its windy. Hardly gets any use, so I think I'll try to use it more. Would be a great place to escape from the clutches of my computer, to think about stuff or to just read. I seriously need a space for solace.

Anyway, I paced around the balcony, contemplating weird jumps off the balcony, trying to decide if they were possible and survivable. My fascination with urban running I suppose. I could see one possible jump that involves the spiral staircase and the fence, but err, doing it is another thing. The gaps between the balconies of the houses don't seem that far though. I bet someone good enough in le parkour (urban running) could make it with no sweat. (note to self: wake up early for morning runs damnit!)

My cousins, Mia and Joren arrived about half an hour later, and the others took this opportunity to go off (they were probably just as bored as us). The day just turned better. After playing a few hands of hearts (and getting really really trounced), we picked up our uncle and then took the conversation outside.

I don't know why, but a lot of our conversations become about relationships. It's a phase I guess. So yeah, they read my this entry. I avoided the question of who when my sister asked about it the first time, but talking to a friend about it was helpful in getting over my nervousness in reavealing the identity. Still got some issues to sort out over my feelings for her though. I dunno. A part of me is urging me to just be her friend but I'm remembering wasted chances. I also learned a new word yesterday, torpe (I think).

Earlier, we had an agreement that we'd "interrogate" people who are in relationships with us (at least I think that's the gist of the agreement). Anyway, a guy who's trying to woo Lystra came over too, so we got to have the inaugural Boyfriend Grillfest (okay, so he's not yet her boyfriend).

"Why do you like her", "Where would you take her for a special date", "What is it about her that attracted you to her" and a barrage of other questions followed. Almost felt sorry for him. Almost. The guy was too shy to answer though, despite threats of hunger strikes and physical hurt! Our uncle (tito) Mark was a cool guy and even helped with the grilling! Still to no avail. We couldn't get any straight answers out of him.

Ah well. There's always next time.

Live From Dunno..

There's supposedly a party going on downstairs. Pretty bad if you ask me, it's all meh. Meh meh meh meh mehhhhh.

And I'm kinda meh'd out by someone not being there. Maybe shouldn't have had this party, would have been nicer if it was a family kind of affair I think.

Okay, kinda feeling like a shill now for ditching the "party" to post this. Maybe I'll go down and ditch the party and go skateboard around the place. Gah.

Somebody saveeee... meee....

To the Past and Beyond

The personal version of this post

Should we hold onto the past, clinging on?

I was reorganizing the shelves in my room this afternoon. I use one of them as a reminder of my life I guess (sidenote: I am so unsure of myself, in nearly every entry, an 'I guess' crops up). In it I've placed momentos of my past.

In one corner, I've propped up my old NPCC beret shiny crest and all, along with my rank thingy and on it I pinned the only award badge I could find (marksmanship). Standing alongside it is my unit's patch (Anderson Secondary School logo on a red field, the word ANDERSON running along the bottom of the logo).

I'm not sure if I would call NPCC a happy memory for me. I was only really active in it during my lower secondary school days, and then I wasn't really a very good cadet. Secondary school on the whole wasn't a really happy memory for me, especially when I started out. My losing interest in NPCC was a result of my unhappiness I would say. Secondary school really was quite stressful for me and I really turned introvertd during that time. In a domino effect, my introvertedness never let me really express to anyone how I was feeling, excaberating the loneliness I felt then. Still, I think the main reason for my unhappiness is myself. I never made any effort to change myself, to evolve to the reality that secondary school forced on me.

In the book I'm reading right now, a character figured that if you bottle up your feelings long enough, you'll feel nothing after a while.

Lying in front of my momentos of my NPCC days, three years worth of secondary school class photos. When I had entered secondary school, I was placed in the special stream, the creme de la creme, as my english teacher during my first and second year class had said. The three class photos I have are of my third to fifth year classes. In the third year of secondary school, I had done bad enough in the first two years to warrant being dropped down to the normal academic stream, only the second worst class academically. I don't know what happened to the class photos from my first two years, but I only have these.

On the photos I placed my green nametag and school badge. I remember walking around school in my final year, wondering to myself as first years passed me by wearing their green nametags. I hadn't believed I would be in school long enough to see my nametag colour cycle around. I remember the dread I felt when I stepped into school in my thrid year. During assembly, I passed by old classmates who greeted me and asked which class I had ended up in (classes were reshuffled at the third year). I remember walking to the classroom with my new class, the snatches of curious conversation behind my back, "Wasn't he from 2/1? What's he doing here?".

When I was leaving NYP, I took along with me two booklets, an orange one with course information on the Digital Media Design (DMD) course and a blue one on the Information Technology course. When I had enrolled in NYP, my first choice of course was the DMD course. Before enrollment could be completed, I had to undergo a medical examination, where the subject of my colourblindness came up. It turned out that my colourblindness could not allow me to take the DMD course. I felt empty when I came out of the examination room. I had worked my butt off in secondary school for my results and that I couldn't do what I had so wanted to do just because of this minor medical condition, it hurt.

These two booklets now sit in my shelf, the orange one tucked behind the blue one. When I went to NYP to do IT, the kicker was that the DMD and IT labs coexisted in the same area. Whenever I walked past the labs, I'd look longingly at the class as they learned photoshop, flash, video editing and 3d studio max.

Not everything is a sob story in my recollection shelf though. I have a photo album of my classmates from NYP, taken at an outing in the beach. I have a reminder of my final birthday in Singapore in the form of a birthday card from Jamie. I have reminders of family vacations. A decorative license plate to remind me of the first time we went to America. A menu from Ghiradelli, taken from our trip to Chicago (where we got to see snow!). A boomerang (never thrown) reminds me of the family vacation taken to Australia.

Hurrah for P2P

http://www.wired.com/news/digiwood/0,1412,64640,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_1

So the US courts have given P2P a victory over the RIAA. They upheld the notion that they cannot be liable for the behaviour of their users, for any illegal file transfers that their users make.

This is a great victory for P2P, for the freedom to invent and innovate. Why is this so? It prevents inventors from being attacked by people with vested interests in seeing their inventions fail, in this case protecting their market share. It is a natural reaction to want to protect something that you have built up already, to protect it from something new that threatens it.

But this is the way a truly free market must work. Pressures from better ways of doing stuff (I have to generalize here) must be allowed, it's like natural selection in a way. The market must be allowed to choose the winner. The Old Ways must not be allowed a stranglehold on new innovations, just because it threatens them. Allowing them this would only be detrimenental to the market and the public in general.

The CEO of the RIAA had this to say about the victory of P2P in the court of law:

"This decision does nothing to absolve these businesses from their responsibility as corporate citizens to address the rampant illegal use of their networks," Bainwol said in a statement. The issue is "whether or not digital music will be enjoyed in a fashion that supports the creative process or one that robs it of its future. That's the online future of music."

I have nothing but disdain for his statement. It is his job to say that but it really is a stupid stance to take. Vested interests and all I suppose. I especially, violently disagree with "The issue is "whether or not digital music will be enjoyed in a fashion that supports the creative process or one that robs it of its future. That's the online future of music."".

The benefits that the internet and the P2P services it supports give to the creative process far outweigh the support the RIAA gives to it's artists. The internet brings new audiences to artists that otherwise would not know about them. It promotes their work and with this promotion, gives people a reason to support them by buying their works. The internet and P2P allow bands to thrive on their own, free from the shennanigans of the RIAA.

The only future that I can see P2P robbing is that of the RIAA. I can forsee the internet and P2P making such organizations obsolete. Maybe if they changed their stance and evolved along with the rest of the world, they would survive, but with this track record of resisting change, my money isn't on the RIAA.

Pieces of my Past

I went and reorganized my shelves today. Among my shelves, I have one where I keep momentos I suppose, reminders of memories good and bad. A quick run through:
  • NPCC beret, the crest is still shiny. What do they make em out of anyway?
  • 3 years worth of secondary school class photos. Informal picture quite captures the essence of the class.
  • Various cards for use in SG. My secondary school issued EZlink card, another EZlink card (never got one issued for poly) and my cashcard for paying my library fines. Speaking of which, my fine for the comic I took from Library@Orchard must be bleeping large.
  • NYP ID card, salvaged from the tools cabinet for some reason. Another thing unreturned to SG.
  • NYP informational booklets on the Digital Media Design and IT courses. The DMD book is in memory of the course I had originally gotten into but couldn't because of !@#$ colour blindness, and the IT one in memory of my my dear IT course in NYP.
  • The little notepad I used for my first sem in NYP. Still has the class schedules and all.
  • Pictures of the only cosplay I've been to and pictures of my NYP classmates during an outing to Sentosa.
  • Jamie's birthday card for me on my last birthday in Singapore (merely 2 days before we left). I think I'll be keeping this for a long time. It's a great memory of that birthday. Unless... Edison could send me that video of the forfeit I did on the game of bluff (probably deleted already though).
  • Boomerang, bought in Australia (I'm going to the hospital t'die mate!).
  • A menu from Ghiradelli, taken when my family went to Chicago and had 3 scoops of ice cream each in that restaurant. Who knew american servings were so huge?
There's a version of this post that's kinda personal but I'm not posting it here.

Happy Birthday Lystra!

Happy birthday Lystra!

Go shorty! It's your birthday. We gonna party like it's yo' birthday.. blah. Whatever.

You're 18 now, a milestone in your life has come to pass.

Make the most of life!

Uhm, about your present. Yeah... might have to wait for it cause I have no idea where I can put it up...

Gah. What?

Gah. I guess it would be alright to post this in my blog. It's still semi-private and I think it's safe from the eyes of my classmates (I need to get a hit counter to see what kind of activity is going on in my blog).

There is someone but I don't know. I'm getting weirded out and the fears are coming back again. Then again, they never really left, they were simply suppressed.

Things are easier when you don't feel anything. Maybe the mind and the heart should never be mixed. I caught myself thinking, I'm in love, yet, in my mind I know it's not that. I know love should be deeper than attraction.

How does she feel about me? I seriously don't know. Sigh. I don't know.

I have a serious problem with this "socializing" stuff. I'm kinda socially incompetent (only kinda?). I've already demonstrated it to her once (damnit). I'm scared of doing it again.

On the way to the cinema, I had a weird semi-conversation with her. It was really weird. In my head I replay it, not in slow motion, but in fast forward. I hear snatches of what we said. I hear myself going into my drawl. Crash. Way to go (visualize me pounding a pillow here, cause that's what I just did).

Weird thing is, I could muster the courage to joke around with another girl when she's just beside me but I can't get myself to have a normal conversation with her. Gah.

removed for being too specific

FSF != Communism

http://www.osnews.com/story.php?news_id=8054

I guess it's sort of a joke that Free Software guys are "communists". That the advent of open source is a threat to capitalism. I actually remember having a conversation with Michy and Spoom and the other #abandongame members about how Open Source threatens the economy, how it threatens jobs and stuff like that.

I never really thought about it seriously, but others have thought about it and have written an excellent essay on why open source isn't a threat but really a boon to the free market.

Some Things are Better Left in the Past

I looked waaaayyy too nerdy for my own good. Read on for more somewhat embarassing childhood photos of me.

I was digging through my family photos last night and I went on a scanning craze. Seriously though, some things are better left in the past. I cannot believe my parents really let me go outside looking like that. I'm also amazed that I never got a beat down for looking this nerdy.

Food

After church on Sunday, my family went to eat at a place that had Singaporean style food. I absolutely stuffed myself I tell you.

Though the food wasn't really that good, I guess it's enough to bring back memories. Singaporeans and food. There's a strong bond between them. I guess with nothing much to do in Singapore (uhm, it's a little red dot), food is something to focus their passion on.

Anyway, what I ordered for myself is roti prata with egg (uhm, well probably not roti prata, it had onions in it. I think) and nasi goreng. I can't say I really have much memories I associate with nasi goreng, but roti prata...

Back in Singapore, my friends and I would "ton" at Heng Boon's house and when it got really late or really early in the morning (take your pick), we'd walk down to a 24 hour coffee shop nearby and grab a bite of roti and talk cock, followed by night walks around the neighborhood.

Eating roti prata also holds a special meaning to me in that it was one of the last things I did with my friends back there. It was during Edison's birthday, late march (can't remember his birthday, I suck so much). We went down to a place that supposedly had the best prata's around. While we were sitting around, waiting for the food to come, we got to talking about how soon, our group was to part ways.

A whole bunch of us were scheduled to leave for National Service (compulsory military service), and I was going to leave Singapore in a week or so. There was sadness in our conversation, and maybe even desperation. Trying to cling on to our friendships as we move towards adulthood. Delon had the idea to create the #lovers^park blog, to help keep us together.

Afterwards, we hiked back to Edison's house as the bus services had all ended and also just for the heck of it :). It was a great little hike, much talking cock was had. We were walking around an army camp so there were long roads without much traffic and pretty quiet. It was well lighted though, which killed the thrill factor. An especially notable part of the hike was when Thomas and Edi talked about how dogs roamed the area we were waggling in and Thomas went to arm himself with a piece of metal pipe he picked up from a dump yard.

So we're walking along this road, without seeing another person for quite some time. Suddenly, we hear voices ahead, but we can't see them cause they're around a bend in the road. For some strange reason, we fear that they're a gang, seeing how deserted the road was. As we turn around the bend, we see a troop of boy scouts taking a hike along the road. Thomas quickly ditches the pipe.

Hmm... kind getting off track here. The rest of the hike will be another tale for another time.

Another food, or drink rather, that takes me back. Coffee. I wasn't really a big coffee drinker, but when we started holding LAN party's at eddies house, I somehow got hooked on it. I think it was on the same night as the hike, but I got pretty high on coffee one night, drinking three cans without really having a toilet break in between them. When I got home, my piss smelled like coffee. Hum, I guess not really something that ought to be shared on a blog, but meh!

Anyway, food. It's a way that we remember great times, and a way to share even more.

Reminiscing

Originally, this was just going to be a photo post, but Thomas' short story made me much more reminiscent.

Right around when school started, and I was feeling somewhat depressed about it, my mom took my sister and me back to our old neighbourhood and our old school. I can't remember why, but it was kinda cool going back. Going back to Mayfield Montessori was really cool too, especially looking around and seeing how much it changed and how much has remained the same.

Signage of the school

This used to be my classroom. I think. I remember my best friend there influenced me to look under the table to look at the legs of the girls and say "leegggs!". I also was also pretty close to this filipino chinese girl in my class. Hmm... wonder if I could dig out my old photo's and scan it in.

The playground was especially fun to see. The backyard has changed a whole lot. It used to be all grassy, but now there are two buildings at the back and it's now gravel, which makes me kinda feel sad for the new students. The playground equipment though, it's the same one I grew up playing with! It's just been repainted. Back in my day (man I sound so old), the play ground equipment was white.

Actually, now that I look at the pictures, err, they have two slides now?!? I remember having to overcome my fear of the slide on the smaller one. I think. I seem to remember the two bars. Hmmm...

The PE t-shirt hasn't changed at all!

Lystra trying out her old uniform for size.

The littlest Aranal running around at Mayfield. I went to school there along with my sister and two of my cousins (who were also siblings).

After we visited the school, we went to where we used to stay, in a street called Teachers Village. When we entered the street, it struck me that the whole place seemed smaller. I should have expected it I guess. The place had changed quite a bit. The whole stretch of road had been houses once, but now there's an apartment building there. My sister also commented that there weren't anymore children playing on the road. When we lived there, the kids would come out after school there to play games of agawan base (castling) and other stuff. I wish I had taken a picture of the road.

When we passed by our old house, this was the sight that greeted us.

Our old place has fallen into disrepair. We used to rent the part of the house that was at the back. It was nice cozy for our family, and we had some fun. The owners of the house also lived at the same plot of land and there was a kid, Namor who was our childhood friend. He and his family also moved to Singapore and we met him a few times there (we once lived walking distance to each other).

In the middle of the yard, there used to be a huge tree (or maybe it just seemed huge to me when I was younger), which formed a sort of tunnel with it's branches and the wall. We rode our trikes through there and also formed a hump out of the ground.

The garden also had these flowers with a sweet nectar. My sister and my aforementioned cousins (they lived beside us) would pick these flowers and suck on the nectar but I was too afraid I guess, to take a sip. Another memory I had of the garden. Taking a bath in the rain. That was good times.

Thomas' short story also made me reminisce about the innocence of primary school. I remember Delon being mean to me when I first started school there, to the point of making me cry.

I remember Joshua Chong, real hot tempered, but he was part of my group of friends back then. His outbursts of anger in the class were legendary.

I remember the games we played at recess. Playing a fevered game of football in the porch. Hopscotch, yes, even the guys. One-leg. The last games that were played when we reached primary 6, when we knew the innocence would end when you reached secondary school, when the laughter of games being played during recess at the carpark would have to end.

I remember my teachers. I remember my discipline master, Mr. Wong, who taught me during my last years in primary school. When we took our leaving examinations, he gave us a pencil to use for the test. I remember treasuring that as a keepsake of my primary school, keeping it until secondary 1, where I lost it somehow.

Things change. We move on, even if we don't want to.

Cleaning Up

What I did in school today: Sit around, watch some ho hum games, sit around some more, watched Goldmember in the hallway and LOL'd (highlight of my day, which kinda indicates how boring it was) and then I tried to geek out by watching Star Trek 3, but, uh, I guess I'm not much of a trekkie. Watched my classmates practice the dance somemore, carried Lystra up and internally fumed at some people some more.

Bleh, I'll be glad when linggo ng wika (sp?) is over, being unproductive bores me.

Anyway, my online life. It's kinda strange when you think of it, I have another set of friends online and a lot of other places to visit that diverges from my Real Life. It's almost like leading a double life.

This week, I've been visiting my old haunts again. On IRC, I've checked out EFnet and revisited #danwa, quite a nice bunch those guys, quite a few people from the abandonware scene and fun conversations too. Being from the abandonware scene, and the weird flocking behaviour we #abandongame'ers seem to exhibit, the people in #danwa and #abandongame do overlap. Kinda silly being in two channels at the same time with the same people in it.

The abandonware scene is quite rife with politics and almost all the people in it have had a history with each other. It's quite good fun to watch from the sidelines and see people being prissy to each other. Almost like a soap opera :)

Speaking of the AB scene, my old forum, The Abandonware Forum (TAF) came back up. I guess the downtime was good, allowing people to calm down. Still, some rivalries resurfaced when the unofficial TAF channel went down (crappy network). That was kinda childish though, fighting over a channel, with a genuine bot take over even.

I've gone back and did a sorta spring cleaning out of the sites I use. Friendster, though I don't really have much use for it, (I want an Introvertster!) desperately needed an update. So I went in added my new classmates, but meh, I don't really care about it that much. I guess I'm just using it to direct people to my blog or something.

A site that matters to me more is deviantART. I've invested quite a bit of my effort in the art that I've put up on DA. My account has been with me for quite some time now, definitely a part of me that will feel sad if it goes.

Happy Birthday Singapore

This post is kinda an hour late from August 9, but anyway, it's Singapore's National Day yesterday. Absence makes the heart grow fonder I guess.

Actually, I can, from my perspective see why the some of the Singaporean voices that are most critical of the Singapore government are from out of the country. From an outside perspective, it's somewhat easier to see the faults of the government, and also easier to criticize.

Anyway, I'm gonna barf out a few Singapore related links here:

Interesting little factoid: August 9 is also the day the atomic bomb was dropped. Man, why didn't they teach this is history class?

Copyright and Protecting Culture

http://randomfoo.net/oscon/2002/lessig/

The way copyright is being used, enforced and abused should be of great concern to everybody, especially I feel, when you work in the creative field. The world's shared culture is under threat and with it brings the limitation of creativity for normal people.

For years (okay, maybe only a couple or more) I've bristled with indignation whenever I read a slashdot article about patents, copyrights and intellectual property and how they're stifling the growth of technology or how they're unfairly prosecuting people. I've read and accepted these articles and, because of the slant of the articles (slashdot is hardly an unbiased source of news), I've become opposed to the ideas of patents and copyrights without ever thinking too deeply about the why. Sure, I could see right away that the runaway enforcement of these things stop the progress of technology, but I never went deeper.

During my internet outage, I dug out my electronic copy of Free Culture, a book by Prof. Lawrence Lessigs's and decided to educate myself on this topic. Before reading this book, I've already listened to a talk by him online, about copyright and the free culture. It did clear up some questions on how copyright is bad and is really a great way to start people off on the issue of copyright. Admittedly, the talk had a techie slant to it (the talk was held during an open source convention), but Lessig is really a good speaker who knows how to get his points across well.

So far, I'm only halfway through Free Culture, but already I've gained a couple of insights, some not even related to the topic of the book itself.

My first thought, not totally relevant to copyrihgts but important enough, that blogs, nay, the internet is a way for regular Joes to challenge the power of Big Media. One of the powers that Big Media has is "mass-hypnotism". The ability to influence greatly the way people think. In enternainment, in news, the way Big Media portrays the world affects the way people percieve the world. The internet is a great way to turn that around. It allows individuals to make their views and opinions about the world known to a large audience.

"Power to the people". Some people fear that big media could eventually influence people so much that they can become a power unto themselves. But the internet changes that by letting people be heard, allowing views to come out that isn't simplified (TV assumes it's audience is stupid doesn't it?) or filtered. Granted, the power of media isn't always abused and good does come out of it, but the internet has a longer attention span, allowing thoughts to fully develop instead of dying a quick death because "it's old news".

My second and more relevant insight is that the real danger of intellectual property is the stranglehold Big Media will have on our culture, if the war for intellectual property goes the way they want it (hence the title, Free Culture).

In the earliest example cited in the book, London book publishers had wanted copyright to be forever. What this meant was that they got to decide who can publish the works of Shakespeare, thus they could artificially keep the prices of their books high, because they didn't have any competition. The parliment however, had seen the damage perpetual monopoly causes to learning and to culture and wisely set a time for copyright to expire, after which the work comes into public domain. This temporary monopoly gave people incentive to create works and afterwards, it benefited the public when it was set free.

Fast forward to the situation now. The length of copyright law has been extended so far that it almost becomes impossible for normal people to take part in shared culture legally. The creativity that people of our time have contributed, it is unlikely that we, as normal people, will ever be able to build upon.

Take for example, the Walt Disney corporation. The Disney empire was built upon the creativity of that generation. The early Disney cartoons, the initial successes of the company, were parodies of films from that era, barely months old. And the classic cartoons of Disney, Mulan, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, the Lion King (ever heard of Kimba?). They took part of our shared culture, works in the public domain (and not even in the public domain. Look at the Lion King) and modified them, changed them, gave them that touch of "Disney-ism".

But while their whole empire was born of this "shared culture", Disney refuses the public the same rights. Take Mickey Mouse for example. His roots came from a movie not even in the public domain. However, when Mickey Mouse was to pass into the public domain, the lobbyists of the movie industry moved to get the terms of copyright extended. They succeeded and the Sonny "copyright should be forever and a day" Bono Copyright Term Extension Act came into being.

If Disney could benefit from our shared culture, why is it that normal people, cannot? Is there something that seperates us from them? (Well there is actually, deep pockets and the army of lawyers) Is the law there to serve the public or the corporations?

This extension of the copyright terms is a slippery slope. As one pamphleteer put it:

I see no Reason for granting a further Term now, which will not hold as well for granting it again and again, as often as the Old ones Expire; so that should this Bill pass, it will in Effect be establishing a perpetual Monopoly, a Thing deservedly odious in the Eye of the Law; it will be a great Cramp to Trade, a Discouragement to Learning, no Benefit to the Authors, but a general Tax on the Publick; and all this only to increase the private Gain of the Booksellers.

In fact, the lobbyists of the big media is pushing for copyright to be forever. They do have the right to a copyright, I will grant. But the copyright they have must not be solely for their benefit. Copyright must be balanced. It must not just benefit corporations, it must also ultimately for the benefit of the people and our shared culture. Patents must ultimately enhance shared knowledge, not just fatten up the bottom line.

The enforcement of patents must also not impede progreess. I just realized how topical this is. Right now, the big media conglomerates, the people out to protect their own private interests while harming the public interests are lobbying to make the Induce Act law. It's a bill that would hold technology companies liable for any product they make that encourages people to steal copyright materials.

This is an artificial wall to technology. I may not be able to name a potential technology, as of now, that this law could make illegal, but I do believe that any impairment to technology that is artificial and is mandated by law but not agreed to by the norms of society is bad.

Already we have the Digital Millenium Copyright Act as a way to block reverse engineering of copyright protection technologies by law. It doesn't just stop progress of technology, it also infringes on free speech and gives the copyright holders too much power

If you're really interested in finding out more about how copyright can affect you and your freedom to create, I suggest listening to Professor Lessig's talk and downloading a copy of Free Culture. I've only read through half of it but I do feel it's a good way to empower yourself with knowledge of the issues surrounding copyright.

To end of my message, let me leave you with something from Mr. Lessig's talk. A quick summary on why we should fight for better copyrights.

<refrain>

  1. Creativity and innovation always builds on the past.
  2. The past always tries to control the creativity that builds upon it.
  3. Free societies enable the future by limiting the past
  4. Ours is less and less a free society.

</refrain>

Edit

This case is a good illustration of why we need saner copyright laws. In a sane world, or at least in a world where the copyright laws were written with the best interests of the public at heart, the JibJab fellows would have been able to use the song in their flash animation without any or hesitation, because by this time, the term of the copyright would have expired and the work would have passed into the public domain, for the betterment of culture, allowing anyone to "Rip, Mix and Burn" without having the lawyers get involved.

Now, artists are stuck in this incredibly restricted world of permissions. Artists are not able to utilize freely, without censorship from the copyright owner (that is if they are even allowed to use it. "Wanna use? Pay up!"), works that ought to be available to them. Instead, we're stuck about talking of Fair Use. And who decides fair use? If you're going to go up against one of the Big Media conglomerates, well, you may know it's fair use, but they sure as hell are going to make your life a legal hell, just to show you who's boss for not paying them for their monopoly.

Fuck fair use. PUBLIC DOMAIN!

We Get Signal. Main Screen Turn On.

I've been without internet since tuesday and it was kind of irritating not being able to go online. That along with the light in my room going on the fritz, it's been an unproductive week so far. Being without a 'net connection is really really irritating. It's really a part of our life now. Would really be scary if somehow, someone managed to take it down. We're so dependent on it right now.

Imagine if the internet went down sometime in the future, when the whole world so enmeshed in the internet that it going down would be a big blow to society. Come to think of it, we're already that way with electricity. Modern society is so dependent on it's machines. When you think about it, aren't we already in some way enslaved to the machines? We've built our way of life around them. In a way, we've tied our destiny to theirs. Now all we need to do is wait for the start of a Matrix-like scenario. :D

Anyway, the reason I didn't have internet the last few days was because the phone lines were down. We didn't have a dial tone and neither could anyone call up our house. Well, it turns out the reason for this is that down at the local telephone exchange, some equipment got stolen. When I heard this from my sister, I really burst out laughing. Beside the fact that I'm oh-so-easily-amused, I found it quite absurd. I've never really thought that such a thing could happen to me. Sure, I've read about traffic light control computers being stolen in some South American country but I truly never expected such a thing to happen. I was expecting some other sort of breakdown in the telephone exchange, but never such an unexpected thing.

When I tried dialing up just now and I heard the dial tone, my mind went "sweeeeeet". I really should punish the geek part of my brain though. It should have went "We get signal. Main screen turn on!". I am so lacking geek right now. You gotta admit though, wikipedia is one great encylclopedia for covering AYB.

And animax sucks so much now. They dubbed all their shows to english. I really really hate their guts right now. It just feels weird hearing a different voice from the ones you usually hear on the show. Kinda like Pierre Png taking over as Chu Beng, but worse. Also, I already hate the overly cute voices of some female characters in some animes but somehow, the english dubs can top the irritatingness of the original. Gah.

While I'm griping, I might as well vent my frustration at some of the local pop songs over here. It's so friggin annoying. Never mind those "Aiyoh aiyoh" thai girls (their name escapes me right now. Incidentally, I think an ang moh boyband actually covered that song. Weird) the girly groups here come out with even worse songs. Sometimes, I wish I had the power that mini-tru wielded so that I could earase some music from the face of the earth.

A Strange Collusion of Events

So last night I was up late, reading up on Alternate Reality Games. It's these games where the people running the game attempt to blur the line between reality and their game world. They put up websites, create email accounts for the express purpose of the game. They leave clues, puzzles and hints in unlikely places and wait until people notice. Sometimes, these clues come up in the real world. They may get a phone call, or meet somebody.

Anyway, the clues that start people on alternate reality games are sometimes called Rabbit Holes (you know, like Alice in Wonderland). Recently, the gamer world is a buzz with a highly public Rabbit Hole in the Halo 2 video game trailer. Apparently, the website ilovebees.com appears in the trailer for a small time period, and when people got to the website, it had weird defacing, which led down a really strange path.

This really got me interested in the concept of ARG's. It's got all the strange puzzles and equally strange plots. Then I remembered a pretty strange post on the Abandonware Forums a few months back. It was by someone not really known in the community but he posted a topic asking for help.

In it, he asked for people's help in deciphering a flash-based puzzle left behind by a friend who had suddenly disappeared. There were quite a few responses to it, but I don't ever remember checking the puzzle out, thinking the guy was pretty much a nutjob asking for help on a forum where people didn't even know him.

My interest in ARG's somehow brought back my memory of this strange post. Thinking that it might be a rabbit hole, I was really interested in seeing if it was an ARG and if I could get into the game somehow. But then some weird things started happening. When I dialed up to try to check the website, my firewall said that for some reason, the ISP changed me to another VPN (virtual private network). My brain went uhmm at that but I ignored it. Then I went to check on the forums. It's disappeared. Or at least I can't access it. Which made me think of another strange thing that happened.

When I logged into the unofficial IRC channel of that forum last night, nobody was on. Usually at least one person should have been online at the same time and the channel should have had a topic, but it was completely empty. I know nobody could ever have possibly coordinated all of those events just for me (and how would they have known I was getting interested anyway?), but it was a pretty weird collusion of events anyway.

BTW, for a kinda creepy read on an ongoing ARG, try reading the guide on this Urban Hunt wiki.