Has it been four years already?

I feel so far away. I had a small private breakdown recently, a conflagration of a multitude of things that reminded me of my loneliness.

Turned 23, minor footnote. They say age doesn't matter. I would agree except I feel like I'm going nowhere. I'm about due for a quarter life crisis it seems. Should I have achieved more by now? I worry I'll never get anywhere, nothing is driving me forward except for sheer momentum. What am I waking up for every morning? Theres the hazy goal of "get a job in the games industry" but what is that? It's nothing substantial, nothing inspirational.

Critical introspection. I am shallow. I never express what is in my head, I don't process input anymore (have I ever?), I've gone into pure automaton mode. Being a robot isn't all that its cracked up to be. Give me back my body.

Found Microserf's on sale. Halfway through it. In retrospect it feels more depressing now, the inversion of the hope it inspired in me.

I wish I had the guts to just ask her to break me now.