<thought />

I've been pretty unfocused on the things I've done in my life. Throughout my life, I can't think of a single major thing that I've seen all the way through. My first unfulfilled project was the Jump and Bump (JnB) newsletter. That along with my JnB website anyway. Man, I miss that website. That was the thing that drove me to learn HTML. Too bad that I lost my copy of the website. Still quite annoyed that I lost the backup on my PC when the webhost suddenly went AWOL on me. That was my first website darnit!

After that, I had All The Oldies (ATO). It was supposed to be an abandonware website that I was going to do along with a person in the abandonware scene called Yonatan. I even did quite a few redesigns of it. Too bad it never did launch, thanks to my slackness in coding the website backend. Although one good thing that came out of it was my learning of PHP. Err, somehow I guess that makes the awkwardness of avoiding Yonatan on IM programs worth it. I think.

Right after that, I actually delivered a somewhat working content management system for Movie Mania. The website owner was my classmate back in secondary school and he had asked me to create one for him since he knew I was into PHP. However, when asked to update it.. err, I went unfocused yet again. I actually had 50% of the features working for the second version, but for some reason, I lost interest in it and work on it stagnated. (In other news, I glanced through movie mania and saw news that two CSI members got fired! Nooo!)

Afterwards, I think I actually had a streak of focused determination in creating pixel art. At least I do remember having a period where I would do a lot of pixel art, trying to get an insight on how the masters of pixelling over at the pixelation forums did their mojo. But in time, my interest went away.

More recently, I was trying out my hand at doing 3d models. But then again the inevitable happened. I lost my focus halfway. I even had a pretty good reason to remain focused on 3d modelling, cause I was helping out with a mario model pack for Natural Selection. I had quite a bit of time invested in some of the models in that pack, but well, I lost it. I think I might have dissapointed a few members in the forum too, cause I said I wouldn't give up on the pack when the guy who started it was giving it up. Meh.

And right now? What do I see myself losing interest in and abandoning halfway? Well, I'm actually supposed to be right now developing a templating system for PHP5, one which would really seperate content from logic, unlike Smarty. However, I think I'm starting to lose interest in that already. I haven't been planning it out at all recently, which is what I should be doing if I'm really serious about it.

Besides that, I'm in the middle of writing a design document for a browser game which I think would be really interesting to do. Still haven't lost interest in it though. I still find it fun to think about the possibilities the game could have.-

I wish I could motivate myself to remain more focused on things. When I think about it, there's a lot of things I could have done with my life already had I been motivated enough to do it. Although all this jumping around of interests have taught me quite a few things, all I 've become is mediocre in many things without really mastering anything.

19 going on 20, living a life so unfulfilled.

Here's a gallery of some pretty funny anti-Bush posters. They use images from world war 2 era American "morale" (read: propoganda) posters but turn their messages on the Bush administration.

I should probably hate myself for doing this survey. I usually hate this kind of things. Oh what the heck. * ZeroByte commits hara-kiri for being a bloody irritating survey doing bastard.

The \\
Last Cigarette:	Just the smell makes me gag
Last Alcoholic Drink:	Uhm, wine. Was also my first purely alchoholic drink, but argh. Yeah. Argh.
Last Car Ride:	Coming home from school today.
Last Kiss:	N/A *weeps*
Last Good Cry:	A month or two ago. Was still emotionally unstable from the move.
Last Library Book:	I *still* have it! Haha! And from Singapore too! Well, it's more of a comic book really. Forget what it is now though.
Last book bought:	George Orwell's 1984. Doubleplusgood.
Last Book Read:	Last book finished was The Company, a book on the CIA. Currently on 1984 though.
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	Spiderman 2. That was great. Wish they would give his mask facial expressions though.
Last Movie Rented:	Uhhhhmmm I "rent" movies from "kazaa". But I don't remember what it was though.
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	Fuck? Shit? Who knows.
Last Beverage Drank:	Water. Drink 8 glasses everyday!
Last Food Consumed:	A badly made bannana split which only had vanilla ice cream.
Last Crush:	dunnnnno
Last Phone Call:	Does dialing up to the intarweb count?
Last TV Show Watched:	Late night with Conan O'Brien. Arnold Schwarzeneger said: most people don't know that I can speak English. Before that, Discovery had a really interesting show on crop circles, and there were MIT ubergeeks there. UBERGEEKS!
Last Time Showered:	Just now after coming home. PE made me sweaty.
Last Shoes Worn:	Nike sneakers. I only have 3 pairs of shoes anyway.
Last CD Played:	If by CD, you mean MP3, Tom Lehrer's Who's Next. Comedy track. Good stuff, though old.
Last Item Bought:	Book, I think. Unless food counts.
Last Download:	C program source code. I'm a geek. Bite my shiny metal ass! :p
Last Annoyance:	Opera web browser. Or stupid classmates. Dunno.
Last Disappointment:	If you don't have any expectations, how can you be dissapointed?
Last Soda Drank:	Pepsi? Coke? Should really be rootbeer but meh.
Last Thing Written:	Talk about a recursive question...
Last Key Used:	WTF? Another recursive question! Unless... it doesn't refer to keyboard key.. yeah. I geek too much.
Last Words Spoken:	Can't remember, not a very vocal person.
Last Sleep:	Yesterday morning. I think. Unless I had a nap. My memory sucks.
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	Vanilla. I really really really wish it was coffee crumble though. Yumm.
Last Chair Sat In:	Sofa couch, bumming in front of the telly.
Last Webpage Visited:	http://web1.t43.greatnet.de/viewforum.php?f=5 <-- PIXELATION!
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Sometimes, I wonder who's taking care of who. Sometimes I feel like it's my ickle sister, Lystra, that's watching out for me, protecting me from my somewhat naive way of thinking. I'm too nice, I'm too passive and I think give in too easy. I'm a walking doormat sometimes.

Strange thing is, I can look intimidating. My sis always mentions how some guys trying to court her are somewhat intimidated by me I guess. But I always brush it off increduously. I'm not mean! I try to avoid conflict! I'm practically a frick'n hippie. I just don't like physically hurting people.

But still, sometimes I feel inadequate in protecting her. Not just physically, but in other things as well. She tells guys to get off my back. I think I try to protect her, but well... I'm not really verbal about it. I try giving mean stares but I think it comes off like I'm squinting at them. Terrible at intimidation I am.

I would like to think I'd get in there if she gets physically threatened though. Give me something physical and I could deal with it. It's the touchy feely verbal stuff that I have problems with. I think I would have liked to have dealt with that !@#$ physically though. But eh, the consequences suck.

Oh, and she wanted me to mention this in my blog. <singligh> Why har, she har, keep changing boys har? She har, damn mafan lor.</singlish>

I originally intended the blog to be something personal. It was supposed to be something I could scribble on, something to help me figure things out. I think the technical side of me got carried away and started going nuts with the tinkering of the code.

Somehow I think this is how I always end up though. I turn personal things impersonal. I have a fear of opening up maybe? Kinda ironic when I think about it now, what with me being a proponent of the open source ideology.

Last night I went to a dinner concert with my cousin. Supposedly an intimate little affair. Eh, ended up being quite packed. Would have enjoyed the concert more if the other people watching the concert weren't such drunkards. The guy singing had a vocal range like something crazy.

Another thing of note from last night. Experienced my first truly epic traffic jam here. And I really do mean epic. We went from our school to try to pick Mia up from here house. Normally, it's less than an hour getting there. But due to the traffic, we had to take an alternative route that's winded. Our driver must have made at least 3 u-turns, each time whenever the route he had originally intended to take became blocked by traffic. We ended up meeting Mia at a petrol station cause the traffic around her house was also that bad. The traffic report on the radio described it as "hell everywhere". I would agree.

Last night's conversations was enlightening though. Learned from the girls about what not to do when dating a girl. I learned too much from my sister about what she does with her boyfriend. Seriously, I did not need to know that. Well okay, maybe I should take it as a lesseon in kissing. Though it's still gross to have knowledge of what she does. *gags*

Learned more about the places of higher learning here. Mia and Joren had a whole debate at the coffee shop (random thought: coffee shop makes me think of hawker centre's in SG. Maybe coffee house would be a better word. Or just Seattles Best!) about the merits of the education systems in their own respective schools.

The whole getting a girlfriend thing came up last night, when the topic of going on a double (quadruple?) date came up. It's so we could interview the guys you see ;). Uhm, really mixed feelings about the girls at my current school. Right now, I can't say I like any of them. I think my attraction to them only goes as far as eye-candy (they being eye candies, I really really really really doubt that I could be anybody's eye candy).

Also, err, getting some weird signals from someone. It all could just be a stupid game though (and in my mind it's the likeliest scenario), perpetuated by some other guy. Uhh.. won't mention names here.

The Open Group, with the support of IBM has written up a Declaration of Independence for developers. While not really about open source, it is pretty interesting. I suppose it does strengthen the argument for open source.

What it basically says is that developers should develop to open standards. This doesn't mean opening up the source for everyone to use/modify. What it means is developing to documented standards. It means that the output of your software should be known and documented, allowing it to interoperate with other software seamlessly.

This allows greater choice for all parties who use the software. They can choose software that will really meet their needs. Not software that can meet the needs of a closed standard, or what people call lock-in. This freedom to choose whatever software you want, it's a right to self determination.

This right of self-determination could concievably lead to a better society, where the technological gap between countries isn't as pronounced. Increasingly, many important functions move towards computerization, and giving countries the ability to choose what is right for them can help in the closing of this (ugh, buzzword alert) "digital divide"

Yep, I've got a new default layout for my blog now! I'm really digging it, it's all kinda old looking, in a nice way. I've still got a few improvements to make to it but all in all, there should be no drastic changes to this layout.

Technical details. Nearly all layout changes have been done using stylesheets. I didn't really touch the HTML much, just added an class attribute so I could style posts properly. Also, had a minor change to the HTML to make it XHTML 1.0 Strict compliant, so now I'm happy! Navigation and header type is Georgia for that old-ish feeling. Most of the little graphical flourishes used brushes and dingbat fonts. Hand painted the worn paper effects and the grunginess on the header.

While researching the worn, old style look, I came accross a great article on how to do it. Also a few resources like brushes and stuff. The best thing I found while digging through it though, was a retro colour palette for Photoshop. I've always had trouble figuring out colours, and this just helps immensely. I've combined the palette with some other colour strip I found on the net so now I'm a really happy camper. Probably going to be doing a few retro look designs before I get sick of it all.

On a sidenote, if for whatever reason you feel the need to go back to my old blog layout, you can load it up by clicking on the seashore link on the nav section marked alternatively. Kinda cool huh?

Most people that know me would know that I my favourite music genre is rock. Rock is great. I guess listening to rock music allows me to put aside my conservative side and, for a few precious minutes, go nuts. I love it.

I don't think people know my other taste of music though.

Recently, I found 3hive, a pretty cool music blog. Eclectic mix, but it's a nice way of finding stuff you won't usually hear on the radio. Not that I really listened to radio much recently anyway. The stuff on Singapore radio is pretty much crap really.

Speaking of Singapore radio, I really lamented the loss of Passion 99.5. Probably never heard of it (hence it's demise), but it was this oasis in the Singapore radio waves for me. It played classical (not really a big fan), alcapella (it's great what people can do with their voices alone) and, most importantly for me, it played 2 hours of jazz music every night. I really really really love jazz, music. I would call it my solace, but more on that later.

Right, so 3hive. One of the categories they file music under is slowcore. That's pretty new to me, but hey, I'll try it. So I go and download stuff by Craig Gurwich and man... I'm now hooked. The melancholy mood, the haunting vocals. Almost a country music mood to his guitar, but I guess it's fitting, what with country being somewhat melancholy itself. 'tis great stuff. If other slowcore songs sounds as good as this, I think it'll join rock, along with jazz, as my favourite genres.

I've already mentioned that I love jazz music. I don't really have any particular favourites which is why passion 99.5 was one of my favourite stations. It would serve me up some jazz loving and I won't really have to know much about jazz musicians. All I have to know is that I love it and I want more.

Again, 3hive to the rescue! It's brought my attention to some fabulous Jazz music so far. Noise for Pretend. The singer. Oh man. Smooth, husky vocals, sweet and effortless.

Someone buy me their CD's :(

Another great jazz track introduced to me through 3hive. Smokey and Miho's Blue Glasses. All I can say is get. It. Now. Slow samba music, the trumpets and Miho Hatori's vocals do me in.

I think I've gotten back into my graphics sort of mood. I've been playing around with creating logo's for random stuff. I find it a pretty good mix of left brain and right brain activity. I guess art usually isn't rational, or whatever, but logos are there to try to communicate something to the viewer in a clear manner. Nothing horribly obfuscated like feelings. Not that art with feelings is bad, but I guess I Have a difficult time expressing feelings. I like stuff straight and neat.

Anyway, going off track here. Logo creation, besides utilizing the left brain, keeps the right brain occupied too. Lots of area for creative expression, trying to make a logo that's visually appealing. Combine these two elements together and you get an image that sticks to your mind, while speaking to your mind. Rhyming intentional. If not rhyming then it's gotta be something at least.

This is the best logo I've come up with during my logo creation binge yesterday. Unscolicited, I've come up with a logo for "relax one corner", the name (uhh this info is for non-lp'ers hor, dun think I dunno you guys know liao) of the informal group of boulderers made up by my friends back in SG.

I've always loved activities that mixes creativity and logic. To me, people able to seamlessly move between these two are the epitome of clever. I guess unconciously, I've been trying to develop these two skills throughout my life.

In my younger days, I used to love playing with lego. Some of my early childhood memories was playing with lego bricks. In fact I would wake my parents up to the sound of me rummaging through my lego chest for that piece that's juuuuuust right. I like to think that lego's helped mold me into the kind of person I am, having a love of the combination of logic and creativity. I once read somewhere that a lot of programmers seem to have been influenced by lego in their lives. That lego and programming had quite a few things similar. Right now though, I seem to have outgrown my lego habit. I never touch my lego anymore. Kinda a shame really, I used to get such a rush building stuff out of legos.

The next step I want to take this left/right brain thing to is towards creating games really. Computer games to be exact. I feel it's one of the ultimate frontiers when it comes to combining logic and creativity. With computer games, you create the visual artwork and also create the code and rules of the game. Great stuff really. Although come to think of it, modern computer game development doesn't happen that way now. Now all the jobs are compartmentalized, the coders hack away at the code while dedicated artists work at making the game all purty.

Read this post by Greg Sewart (former EGM writer). An interesting theory on the political situation in the USA, yes?

This is me wetting my own pants in anticipation.

PHP 5 is out!

For the longest time, I've put off touching PHP in anticipation of PHP5's default xml goodness, and somewhat better implementation of the OOP model.

Now it's out and I'm back baby! I'll make sweet PHP love or something. :D

Doesn't PHP sound like a street drug? I'm addicted.

Something personal. MP3 player decides to kick into Sleep Station - Hello. Next in the playlist is Starting Line - is Greg's Last Day.

Chatted to some friends today. Feel like a rewind.

I treasure my online friends as much as my real friends. Nothing wrong with that right?

It shouldn't really surprise me that much, but a lot has happened to friends I treasure. A few have moved. A lot are farther from me now. A fe I've seen grow to become better people.

Hello my friend
did you get up today?
I'll rise above you and protect you wear you lay
I'll leave the light on where it don't belong
I'll fill your consciousness when your gone

Here we are
drawing the lines to show just how far you've gone
away

Hello my friend
did you learn to smile?
Did you learn to lean on every mile?
Do you know for certain when your time is done?
I'll bring you closer when you pass on a thought about it
Here we are
drawing the lines to show just how far you've gone
away

-Sleep Station - Hello

Growing up in Singapore, you're taught to never ever challenge authority. I guess it's a reflection of S.M. Lee's benevolent dictator ways. I remember reading or seeing an interview (or was it a profile) about Lee Kuan Yew once, and it said that he believed a firm hand is necessary for a stable country. I even remember it saying that a firm control on the media is necessary. He would not allow any criticisms against the leadership.

Just recently over here, I got to evaluate my teachers. When I was in Singapore, I had heard about it before from a cousin who was visiting. Thinking back to the conversation, I remember being somewhat jealous about it. They got to challenge authority, in a sanctioned manner, but still it was a challenge to the authority of teachers. As a child, the main authority figures in your life were your parents and your teachers, so this was pretty big to me.

I guess I find it interesting that students here in the Philippines get to evaluate their teachers. To me, that indicates an underlying sense of value in the education system that inculcates awareness in students that yes, they can question the authority. That questioning the authority in your life is a good thing. Contrast it to Singapore. In Singapore, raise your voice against the authorities and you get a smack down.

Here's an interesting thought excercise. If you look at Hong Lim Park (a.k.a Speakers Corner), and these teacher evaluations, they may seem similar at first. They're ways you can voice out concerns. But with the teacher evaluations, you can pretty much say whatever. With speakers corner, you need to get police approval and they need to veto your speech. Kinda defeats the purpose doesn't it? Regulated free speech is such an oxymoron.

Okay, so I lied, it wasn't such an interesting thought excercise. You could see the conclusion miles away.

Made my first serious post in the ministry of miseducation blog.

Ehh, not my best writing, I lost focus writing it last night. I think since I was asked to join that blog as the, uhm, so called global citizen, I'll write something... global. Yeah. Deep huh.

Well, finally finished doing my blog's default look, took me long enough. I really ought to put it through a validator but I'm kinda tired and I'd probably want to fix it before going to sleep. So meh to that for now.

With the HTML of the web page, I've tried to conform as much to best web practices. That means a nicely structured page without any presentational elements in it.

For the design part (HTML handles the content part), I've used external stylesheets hosted somewhere else. This effectively cuts down the amount of stuff I have to download from the webserver every time I visit a page in my blog cause the CSS file is cached in my computer. Kinda important for me with my 56k.

If you look at my navigation bar, you might notice a section called alternative styles. This won't contain anything for now, but when I get around to creating an alternative design for the website, users will be able to use whatever design they like through that menu

Content wise, I still want to add a few more things. I'll probably put up a link to my bookmark file, so anyone bored enough can look through what I've bookmarked. There's one blog in my blog links that you probably don't know. Ephemere is my cousin's blog. Kinda chim though.

This is a break from the introspection of my blog. Just want to address a pet peeve of mine, nothing really major but I guess I need to get it off my chest.

I fucking hate it when people say that you shouldn't criticize something if you can't even do it, or if you can't do it better. It strikes that someone using that phrase is a pretentious prick who didn't even think of what the crap he's saying.

The whole "Shut it if you can't do it" attitude to me smells of bullshit. The whole democratic system is based on saying "I don't think you're doing a good job, gtfo". Not everybody can be a politician, but anybody can tell criticize politicians and even vote him out of his position.

We're learning binary/octal/hexadecimal number systems at school now, but somehow we're expected to do it without calculators. That was kinda a surprise for me. I was used to having a calculator around to do the hard calculations for me, and when you're doing binary/octal/hexa number converting, the sums are kinda ridiculously long.

Why am I blogging about this? I was thinking about it at class and it struck me that the way the education system here (or at least the school I'm in) might not be all about the results. I'm hazarding a guess, but I think the reason that calculators are used in Singapore is that the school is after the right results. After all, with a calculator, you can hardly go wrong right?

Here, to take a phrase from Calvin's dad, they don't use calculators cause it's character building. Seriously, do the binary to decimal conversion of a long number by hand and you'll appreciate that calculator more.

Then again, it might just be more intelligent to use a calculator. After all, students will still have to know the basics to get the right output from their calculator right? Anyway food for thought.

Oh, and the lecturer taught decimal binary conversion (you know, 1011.01101) wrongly. I had to correct her. Idunno what that says about the quality of education I'm getting.

Quick geek joke. There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have friends. :D