<thought />

My Christmas wish list:

1. Halflife 2
2. A new mouse. 2 button mouse'age is killing me.
3. Clothes, cause I do need new clothes
4. Plane ticket(s) to Singapore :(
5. Oh, and a girlfriend. <angst />

I'll be getting broadband soon as the parental units have finally decided to sign up for broadband. W00t! Maybe I can consider that as a Christmas present, although broadband is really more of a necessity nowadays.

New experience for this post: you know how in supermarkets they'd have these little stall things that let people sample product for the express purpose of enticing them to buy, buy ,buy. Ever had alcohol sampling? Seeing as how we had a lot of time to kill before Chubby and friend turned up, me and Lystra decided to walk around the supermarket in boredom. In the "Spirits & Liquor" section, there were two of these stalls set up. One encouraging you to buy Gilbey's gin and the other hawking Baileys. Needless to say, we tried both. Baileys is quite a good drink. File this under "things you'll never experience in Singapore" I suppose.

The past week I didn't attend school becasue I was under the impression that they were having some sort of sports fest which I was loathe to participate in, hence the school skipping. Turns out though, that the sports week was moved forward. My only remark about this is SNAFU. Situation Normal. All F***ed Up. I never really participated much in sports days even back in Singapore. I developed the habit of skipping sports days from primary school, when my mom just dismissed sports days as a waste of time and let us (me and my sister) stay home. It's habit forming skipping school events :) The only one I ever really attended was my Sec. 5 sports day which was meh.

The result of not going to school for a week though, is the development of absurd sleeping patterns. As much fun as waking up at 1-2 in the afternoon can be, the reprecussions when school comes back can be bad. Especially when the day you resume school starts at 8 in the morning. Heck, it's currently 4:47 am as I type this out and I probably have to go to school at 7. Can you say w00t? Meh so so so fecked up tomorrow.

Self reflection. You know how people say, "if you can imagine it, you can do it"? I don't know about it. In my mind I can imagine myself being not mute in real life conversations. However, when it comes down to real life conversations, my brain seems to disengage and people are left talking to a slackjawed mute. I need to do something about my quietness in real life really. Sometimes I feel as if I'm two different persons online and offline.

On the music front, found another band to feed my addiction to emo music. Arco. The vocals just sound so forlorn and longing, accompanied by subtle instrumentals. Go download em if you like emo music. I've listened to all five of those songs about three times now. Three times and counting :)

The Parental Silliness Clause. When one or both of the parental units commit an act of silliness, you are allowed to keep the change from the food that you've bought for them.

The journey we take to finding our truths is a strange one. The paths we'll go down as we attempt to find our identities will be strange and unmarked, with no real way of knowing what is ahead of us. They'll never ever be clearly marked and the signs only serve to confuse us more.

And perhaps we'll never even find our truth, our identity in life. Perhaps we'll just meander along a path and settle down upon it, never really going down other paths. Maybe instead of finding the way that is for us, we'll just let the road wear us out, grind us down till we fit the road instead of the road fitting ourselves. Maybe we'll find ourselves content to live life in the halflight, the twilight, forgetting our dreams of feeling the sunlight.

And what if even when we do encounter the sun, the truth, we'll not recognize it for what it is so blinded are we by the dark that the even the light seems to just be darkness to our eyes. I know I have yet to find my path in life, and I'm just not being helped by the signs. A man sitting on a peak, two books on his lap. One espousing living life simply, the other telling him to do everything. A movie on love that seems so true to you yet on careful consideration, it goes against the very things that you profess to believe in. A song telling you that feelings shouldn't be thought when you know they should be carefully considered.

Right, enough with the halfbaked philosophy. I watched The Incredibles today instead of going to school. Can Pixar do no wrong? Visually, it's amazing. Sometimes it almost looked like they were filming incredibly lifelike puppets, so much so that I sometimes thought of the Thunderbirds. The writing was also top-notch. It's a story about people being persecuted for being special, about people that just want to make the world a better place, a story about a family bonding together. Throw in clever jokes about hero/villian stereotypes, geniunely funny moments and well developed characters with great dialogue and you got movie gold. Here's to Pixar and may they continue kicking all sorts of ass.

Tuesday. We were walking, The girl and I. Not alone, yet we were walking beside each other. Inadvertently our hands slipped into each others, an innocent happenstance. It was just a fleeting moment. I was puzzled by the sudden warmth in my hand and just as suddenly as it happened, we withdrew our hands. Or she withdrew her hands. I wasn't quite sure what I did except continue walking as if nothing happened and it passes without mention from either of us. Yeah it means nothing, just felt the need to write it down.

Later in the cinema, another show of social incompetence. We're walking down a dark flight of steps and I offer my hand out to steady her, but being the social genius I am, I never say anything. I mean, she eventually takes my hand but only after she says something about it. Hurrah for being too shy for my own good.

This posts is too long overdue. I just can't bring myself to write as much nowadays. Maybe I'm scared of stumbling over the truth in my writing. When I write, I have this lofty goal of teasing out, at the very least, an infestimal amount of truth. Of achieving clarity of thought, to open my eyes to what is real, gain some insight. Okay, so maybe most of my posts just serve to journal what has been happening in my life and don't really have any deep meaningful insights but still, at its something to strive for right?

Politics

So guess who's been voted into a into a position of questionable importance. No, not the Canuckian prime minister (although that is admittedlly a post of questionable importance). I've just been voted the most smexy person in school. No, that is a sad faced lie too *sobs*. Actually, I've just been elected to hold the office of External Vice President of the (future) Pasig chapter of the Junior Philippines Computer Society. Hmm.. actually, after checking the HTML of their website.. now I'm not sure.. font tags! table layouts! spacer gif's! Heaven help me if my head doesn't asplode. Come on... we're in 2004 already and a website by purported "Computer Professionals" has HTML that is not up to the best web practices? Scandalous I say.

Right, now where was I before I got sidetracked? Yeah so I'm now the External VP of my school's chapter of JPCS. There's actually two VP positions, an Internal VP and an External VP. I'm not quite sure what the difference is actually, all I know is that the internal VP is somehow higher in rank than me. Don't ask me how it works, I was quite lost during the whole voting process. It was so strange and formal to me. It was all "motion this" and "second that"; "the floor is open" (ahhh! I'm falling in!) and "the floor is closed" (it is dark, you are likely to be eaten by the floor).

How did I even get myself into this mess you ask? Blame it all on people who nominated me (looks at B2) and who voted for me (looks at sis's bf). I was perfectly fine with sitting through that meeting and doodling in my notebook, except they had to nominate me. Argh. And the thing is the people in B2 have considerable influence among the people there, so they managed to get other people to vote for me too. At least I didn't become the internal VP. Sounds like too much work. Hmm, come to think of it, if they were actually more politically minded, they might have just put me up there to have someone in power.. hmmm.. I can see all the bribery going on now.. mwehehehehe *gleefully rubs hands together*

Dreams

I'm supposed to be over her right? I'm supposed to be out of my state of limerence, to move on from her and find somebody else. So why did I dream of her the other night? Earlier in the night, while I was out drinking with Lystra and her BF, Lystra teases my refusal to drink tea by saying, "You want to be drunk cause you're thinking about her right?". In my semi-alcoholated state I protest with "No, seriously, I'm over her". When I think about it now, it sounded more like I was trying to convince myself rather than Lystra that I was over the girl.

As I slept fitfully that night, I had a dream about her. We were sitting alone in at a table. I guess it was a restaurant, I couldn't really be sure, I can't remember now. I sat across her and somehow I told her. I told her how I felt about her, how I liked her, or had liked her rather. In my dream I was also supposed to be over her by then. So I also told her that my feelings for her had waned. I can't tell you if she said anything or not for my memory of the dream is really a blur, but I remembered she stood from the table and walked away without explanation, leaving me to sit there by myself. I suppose I must have watched her as she walked away. At least thats what I would have done if I was me. But some time later, she came back and sat beside me. I think we ended up talking, which somehow led to cuddling or something. Erm. Yeah. I'm inclined to think it's all a product of alcohol, my loneliness and seeing my sis and her bf, but I don't know. I don't dream a frequently so dreams are somewhat special to me. What do you think? Do dreams hold hidden meanings, or are they just constructs of escape, fashioned by our minds wishful thinking? Personally I'm inclined to think the latter.

Misc.

School was kinda interesting last week. Low points and high points but at least I didn't have to sit through classes wondering what the hell I'm doing there not learning anything. Last week was foundation week which is, I guess, to celebrate the foundation of the school although I don't see whats there to celebrate about. Crap crap crap crap school. I seriously don't think I will learn anything there that is going to be relevant or applicable to the field that I want to go into. I'm wondering whether to quit school now like Lystra, except I haven't really found another school to go to yet. Or maybe I could actually start working on a plan for that business idea that I have buzzing around in my head. Ah well, better stop before I go off tangent.

During foundation week, they converted a few of the classrooms into booths. There was a wedding booth, which looked a lot like a vegas chapel if you ask me. It was pink and had hearts all over, quite cheesy and gaudy. Really made me think of a wedding chapel in Las Vegas. Also had a karaoke booth where I pretty much spent most of the time cause there was nothing else to do. Don't worry, I didn't sing. There should probably be a multilateral treaty signed by all countries that makes me singing a crime. I bet it would be the first (and only) time when the UN process would actually work quickly, but I digress. There was a karaoke booth (or as they like to call it here, videoke) and people sang. That's all that can be said. Well, she sang and I'm reminded of what a lovely voice she has.

Besides the booths, I was made to do an introduction to PHP. Eugh. I hate. Public. Speaking. It went as well as a seminar in which the attendees didn't really want to be there could go I suppose. I was hoping for a smaller turn out really, but meh. Oh well. I just plowed through my material, which I had stayed up until 4:30 am to prepare. Somehow the profs seem to have the impression that it went well. Ah well, at least I got a lunch out of it and err a plaque of appreciation, which my parents seem to want to display in the living room. Personally, I'm trying to think up of creative ways to destroy it but so far, all I can think of requires a gun and one of those disc throwing things.

The dating game part of the foundation week was fun though. Lystra's BF, who I shall refer to as Chubby was made to take part in it. He's supposed to be one of the three mystery men in the game. It was.. illuminating, to say the least. Illuminating and hilarious. His replies to the questions asked are GOLD! Girl (who was hot btw): "How would you pick me up in a club?". Chubby: "Hi, I'm... boy". Doubleyou. Tee. Eff?!?! The boy is stupid in a nice kind of way I guess. But seriously... "Hi I'm boy"?

I'm currently in the process of coming up with a new design for my blog. It's gonna be a fun ickle design, or at least bright anyway. Watch for it soon!

Everything that is beautiful does not last in this world. All we hope for is to hold onto the memory of that beauty and then to reflect it into the darkness and sparesness of the world.