I'm not quite confident over my change of course now. Yes, it's more or less my dream course, what I had originally wanted when I came out of secondary school. Yes, it's more or less the course I cried over when I found out I couldn't enter it. But you see during my days in an IT course, I think I developed a superiority complex. In my days at NYP, I was the best at what I did in my class. Okay, so I wasn't exactly the best at it in my batch; and to be honest... noone in my NYP class was really good in programming anyway. But still, I was the best at something! I was godlike! While I occasionally was frustrated by my classmates bothering me with simple questions about programming, it was still a heady feeling knowing for a fact that you are the best.

In IT, I was in my element. I was the alpha geek. I was the guy everyone wanted to be on the same group as. Please hold while I savour that moment.

Wait, come to think of it, they were only taking advantage of me. The bastards! (note to any DIT0316'ers who happens to read this: joke only lah!)

But seriously, I have doubts over this course. I know I'm not the best artist around. I just need to look at over to my left/right/front/back to see evidence of this. It drives me a bit crazy. A bit jealous. And a whole lot of scared. Its somewhat irrational I know. Why should I care about what other people are doing? I should just care that what I am doing is making me happy. I came to this course to develop myself as an artist, to improve. I can't expect to be the best at everything. I'll just end up unhappy.

Yet I wonder if this is what I should be doing. If this is my calling. I guess this is where parental influence somehow comes in. When I was a kid, my parents used to encourage my artistic talent. I remember this one time, I must have been six or seven years old, I attempted to do a sketch of my father. When I showed it to my mom, I recieved the most unexpected response. She laughed. I don't really remember my sketch looking like my father, but that was what she said she was laughing about. She was surprised at how much my drawing looked like my dad.

Perhaps that moment is the one that solidified my interest in drawing. Parental approval. Now, I don't know. I do love visual arts and computers which is why this course seems perfect for me. But is it mine? Do I own this?

Oh, and I somewhat miss writing stories. I've hardly written anything since I left secondary school, and by that time I remember getting lazy and not bothering with handing in my final composition to my english teacher (whose name escapes me now though he was one of the best teachers I've ever had). And we're supposed to write a one act play for finals in Art Apreciation class. I think this will be interesting.

Crushworthy

Jeiel's list of things that are currently crushworthy:

  • Stars. Specifically the song "Heart". I can hardly leave my room nowadays without having played it at least once. Gorgeous lyrics, lush chorus' and heartwrenching vocal interplays. Absolutely makes me swoon.
  • anacrusis/Cosette. Mia I know you had a momentary crush on the author but read this! Read from bottom up. Because Kronos is reversed in blogs.
  • Girls who candidly admit to reading in the lavatory.

oh the silliness!