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I've been pretty unfocused on the things I've done in my life. Throughout my life, I can't think of a single major thing that I've seen all the way through. My first unfulfilled project was the Jump and Bump (JnB) newsletter. That along with my JnB website anyway. Man, I miss that website. That was the thing that drove me to learn HTML. Too bad that I lost my copy of the website. Still quite annoyed that I lost the backup on my PC when the webhost suddenly went AWOL on me. That was my first website darnit!

After that, I had All The Oldies (ATO). It was supposed to be an abandonware website that I was going to do along with a person in the abandonware scene called Yonatan. I even did quite a few redesigns of it. Too bad it never did launch, thanks to my slackness in coding the website backend. Although one good thing that came out of it was my learning of PHP. Err, somehow I guess that makes the awkwardness of avoiding Yonatan on IM programs worth it. I think.

Right after that, I actually delivered a somewhat working content management system for Movie Mania. The website owner was my classmate back in secondary school and he had asked me to create one for him since he knew I was into PHP. However, when asked to update it.. err, I went unfocused yet again. I actually had 50% of the features working for the second version, but for some reason, I lost interest in it and work on it stagnated. (In other news, I glanced through movie mania and saw news that two CSI members got fired! Nooo!)

Afterwards, I think I actually had a streak of focused determination in creating pixel art. At least I do remember having a period where I would do a lot of pixel art, trying to get an insight on how the masters of pixelling over at the pixelation forums did their mojo. But in time, my interest went away.

More recently, I was trying out my hand at doing 3d models. But then again the inevitable happened. I lost my focus halfway. I even had a pretty good reason to remain focused on 3d modelling, cause I was helping out with a mario model pack for Natural Selection. I had quite a bit of time invested in some of the models in that pack, but well, I lost it. I think I might have dissapointed a few members in the forum too, cause I said I wouldn't give up on the pack when the guy who started it was giving it up. Meh.

And right now? What do I see myself losing interest in and abandoning halfway? Well, I'm actually supposed to be right now developing a templating system for PHP5, one which would really seperate content from logic, unlike Smarty. However, I think I'm starting to lose interest in that already. I haven't been planning it out at all recently, which is what I should be doing if I'm really serious about it.

Besides that, I'm in the middle of writing a design document for a browser game which I think would be really interesting to do. Still haven't lost interest in it though. I still find it fun to think about the possibilities the game could have.-

I wish I could motivate myself to remain more focused on things. When I think about it, there's a lot of things I could have done with my life already had I been motivated enough to do it. Although all this jumping around of interests have taught me quite a few things, all I 've become is mediocre in many things without really mastering anything.

19 going on 20, living a life so unfulfilled.

Here's a gallery of some pretty funny anti-Bush posters. They use images from world war 2 era American "morale" (read: propoganda) posters but turn their messages on the Bush administration.

I should probably hate myself for doing this survey. I usually hate this kind of things. Oh what the heck. * ZeroByte commits hara-kiri for being a bloody irritating survey doing bastard.

Sometimes, I wonder who's taking care of who. Sometimes I feel like it's my ickle sister, Lystra, that's watching out for me, protecting me from my somewhat naive way of thinking. I'm too nice, I'm too passive and I think give in too easy. I'm a walking doormat sometimes.

Strange thing is, I can look intimidating. My sis always mentions how some guys trying to court her are somewhat intimidated by me I guess. But I always brush it off increduously. I'm not mean! I try to avoid conflict! I'm practically a frick'n hippie. I just don't like physically hurting people.

But still, sometimes I feel inadequate in protecting her. Not just physically, but in other things as well. She tells guys to get off my back. I think I try to protect her, but well... I'm not really verbal about it. I try giving mean stares but I think it comes off like I'm squinting at them. Terrible at intimidation I am.

I would like to think I'd get in there if she gets physically threatened though. Give me something physical and I could deal with it. It's the touchy feely verbal stuff that I have problems with. I think I would have liked to have dealt with that !@#$ physically though. But eh, the consequences suck.

Oh, and she wanted me to mention this in my blog. <singligh> Why har, she har, keep changing boys har? She har, damn mafan lor.</singlish>

I originally intended the blog to be something personal. It was supposed to be something I could scribble on, something to help me figure things out. I think the technical side of me got carried away and started going nuts with the tinkering of the code.

Somehow I think this is how I always end up though. I turn personal things impersonal. I have a fear of opening up maybe? Kinda ironic when I think about it now, what with me being a proponent of the open source ideology.

Last night I went to a dinner concert with my cousin. Supposedly an intimate little affair. Eh, ended up being quite packed. Would have enjoyed the concert more if the other people watching the concert weren't such drunkards. The guy singing had a vocal range like something crazy.

Another thing of note from last night. Experienced my first truly epic traffic jam here. And I really do mean epic. We went from our school to try to pick Mia up from here house. Normally, it's less than an hour getting there. But due to the traffic, we had to take an alternative route that's winded. Our driver must have made at least 3 u-turns, each time whenever the route he had originally intended to take became blocked by traffic. We ended up meeting Mia at a petrol station cause the traffic around her house was also that bad. The traffic report on the radio described it as "hell everywhere". I would agree.

Last night's conversations was enlightening though. Learned from the girls about what not to do when dating a girl. I learned too much from my sister about what she does with her boyfriend. Seriously, I did not need to know that. Well okay, maybe I should take it as a lesseon in kissing. Though it's still gross to have knowledge of what she does. *gags*

Learned more about the places of higher learning here. Mia and Joren had a whole debate at the coffee shop (random thought: coffee shop makes me think of hawker centre's in SG. Maybe coffee house would be a better word. Or just Seattles Best!) about the merits of the education systems in their own respective schools.

The whole getting a girlfriend thing came up last night, when the topic of going on a double (quadruple?) date came up. It's so we could interview the guys you see ;). Uhm, really mixed feelings about the girls at my current school. Right now, I can't say I like any of them. I think my attraction to them only goes as far as eye-candy (they being eye candies, I really really really really doubt that I could be anybody's eye candy).

Also, err, getting some weird signals from someone. It all could just be a stupid game though (and in my mind it's the likeliest scenario), perpetuated by some other guy. Uhh.. won't mention names here.