So it's a new year. Some would say its time for a fresh start, for you to start making changes to your life. I say meh to that. Meh to all that new year resolution crap. If I don't follow through on anything else, what makes you think I would follow through with new years resolutions eh?

So yesterday was new years eve (or as the channel German informs me, Sylvester). It was pretty exciting since its the first new years I've had in the Philippines in quite a while. Traditionally here in the Philippines, people set off fireworks during new years eve. And back in Singapore, fireworks are rare. The government hogs all the fireworks for themselves and only sets em off once a year. Here though, its a free for all. Anyone can procure fireworks and have their own fireworks display. I can't tell you how novel this idea seems to me, the Singaporeanised boy.

Throughout the afternoon, you could already hear sporadic explosions as people set off firecrackers in their enthuiasm. Sometimes they would be loud enough to shock you at inopportune moments. The fireworks display at night though, is something else. If you didn't know any better, you would think that you're in a warzone with all the constant explosions surrounding you. You'd hear high pitch screams, sounding eerily like mortar fire. You would see a whole series of explosions lighting up the night sky like flowers blossoming or fire flys scattering in the midnight air. The sound of Chinese firecrackers exploding is transformed into machine gun fire in your mind. The smell of explosives and smoke hang heavy in the air as a mass of fireworks are set off at around midnight. You have to fight the urge to find a ditch and dive into it.

As I walked underneath a tree, I glanced up and happened to see an orange bloom as another rocket lit up the sky. It seemed romantic to me.

In any case, thats how I basically spent new years eve. Here though, it seems to be more a case of quantity rather than quality. The NDP fireworks display is quite a thing to behold, seeing as how the whole display is coordinated. Here though people just set off a lot of fireworks, without any real coordination. I set off a couple of fireworks off too so the pyromaniac in me got to have some fun. Although I did break a new year tradition of mine this year. Since 2000, I've had this stupid little tradition of showering right after midnight. I wanted to be the first to shower in the new millenium, which is how that whole thing started. If you think about it though the whole shower thing seems a bit symbolic. Wash away the old year and start over anew.

So today is the aftermath, the hangover that lasts a whole year.

I wonder how many people blew themselves up over new years eve. Another new years tradition of the Philippines, causing physical hurt to yourself or others in darkly comical ways. You have your perennial classic, the firework mishap; a nice classy way to say goodbye to a finger or two or a hand even. Or you could have the indirect fire gunshot wound, thanks in large part to the fucktards who get drunk and decide to shoot their pistols into the air. Now, I wouldn't have so much a problem with that if they just shot each other and eliminated the problem all together, but when they manage to shoot up bystanders... I think Lystra was quite close to adding a new catagory of new years eve mishaps: the ham cutting accident. There was a dead pig that required slicing and Lystra just happened to be wielding a knife. Which she just happened to lose control of. And quite coincidentally, my hand just happened to be in the way. Close call.

'Tis a new year. The smoke rises and clears from the debris of the past year. Its been a year for new experiences, a year for doing the same old. A year for radical changes, a year for staying the same. A whole damn year for regrets.

I came to my homeland to feel displaced. Wretched feelings of homesickness still grip me.

I refuse the change.

I felt the glimmer of hope, yet I let it go.

I've grown closer to family.

I've grown a little more mature.