I don't smile enough. I've only realized this lately. Even back in poly, which was some pretty good times for me, it seemed that when I was smiling, people found it weird. A classmate would come up to me and ask "Why are you so happy?". And I seriously wouldn't know. It's not as if I was ecstatic or anything. I guess it must have weirded him out that I was actually displaying emotion.

Introspection time. Most of the time, when I'm around other people, I'm this emotionless meatbag. I'm not the type that really shows much emotion in public. When I vent my emotions, I'm usually alone. I dunno, never really got the hang of this sharing your feelings thing. Might be a byproduct of the way of thinking that Big Boys Don't Cry. Dunno, it does seem ingrained into my way of thinking.

My sister also says I seem to be always frowning. I guess this is quite accurate, seeing as how I'm feeling pretty moody right now. I dunno if I've ever been not moody in recent times. Thinking back, I seem to remember having this glum outlook on life since secondary school. I guess I'd trace it back to when I struggled to cope with my studies and the downward spiral that I percieved my life took. I say percieve because I can't say if it was a bad thing or a good thing. When I dropped down from the special stream to normal academic, that pretty much depressed me quite a bit. However, it did allow me to cope with school a bit better, so it may have saved me from myself. Dunno what I would have done if I had kept failing stuff at secondary school.

Besides this glum view I have of life, sometimes, for no reason, I go into a state of mind where I've got some serious anger at life. And boy do I have some anger bottled up in me. Though I won't overtly show it, my mind would churn with anger when I go into one of this states. Generally, I'd be pretty pissed at what life's dealt me, and when I think about it, when I analyze my responses to what life's given me, my anger is fueled further by anger at my own stupidity, my own inadequacies, my own failures.

I dunno. Maybe my response to life ought to be to just smile. Don't take life too seriously or analyse everything that I do. Or maybe, just smile