18th September 2004

I'll remember this date for now. Some dates possess a beauty to them. Yesterday was September 17. It's not a date that I'd call beautiful. 18th September. There's something to the way it comes off your lips. The tone, the meter, Eight'eenth of Sept'emb'uhr.

I'll remember you, for now.

Whats so special about you? (as I type this, it's now officially 19th of September, 00:00) You were a Saturday, a school day, a rainy day, a hazy day. A day that almost broke my heart.

You started off clothed in haze, a noxious grey veil that concealed your beauty, that engulfed the city. A day perfect for misery when the air you breath ends your life.

And later, when I was feeling morose, when I was feeling down, from the heavens you sent the unselfish lover. You made me smile as I watched her fall, as I watched her dance, as she washed away the clinging veil that hid your beatiful face. Rain makes me smile so much, so much emotions get uncovered. I remembered my other her, while the rain fell. I had so much I wanted her to know, so much I wanted to know about her. She made me happy.

Then I saw her again. Expectations converse. Sometimes I feel like my love/like for her has waned, simmered. When you think about the person you want, you have all these expectations. You project it to the person you fall for and unfairly you expect them to be That One, the ideal that you created in your mind. Expectations converse. Talking to her makes me realize that she isn't this image, that shes reality, not my imagination.

It almost cured me.

And I was almost ready to take the cure. To give up, to start forgetting. As I watched her go, I contemplated the cure. To take it would have set my world right. To take it would have meant to creep back into the shadows of loneliness. It would have meant coldness, moroseness, but it would have set my world right. No longer would my heart take flight when I'm around her. No longer would her presence befuddle my mind. No longer would I smile over the little things about her. Back to the Emptiness that defined my world.

But in a moment of serendipity I realize, that is her beauty. She is not from a fantasy. She is from reality. I love/like her for who she is, not what I think she is. Reality swingback.

PS: I know I promised something about my last post about her...