Thinking about things too much sucks. Again I feel like I'm at a certain point in my life but I've accomplished nothing of worth. I feel like I should have done more by now. I can't stand it, I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I can't imagine what I'm going to do in a few years and that thought scares me. I have no plan for the future, I feel like I'm at a dead end where I am standing right now.

I've had enough of wasting my life in secondary school. I figure the final lesson that I ought to take from my days in Anderson Sec. is that wasting your life sucks hard. Wasting your talent, your time here on earth, it's not a good thing. Sure, I joke about being a bum, slacking around doing nothing all day, but really that is exactly what I don't want to do.

Poly would have been my pennance for secondary school. It would have been where I would have picked my life up, started building something solid, started living. At least that was my plan. I knew what I was doing back there. Here, I don't know. I feel an emptiness, without a sense of direction. Confused by my new environment.

Now I study at AMA, but I don't know, it just doesn't feel right to me. I get demoralized by the classes there I suppose. I get demoralized when the teachers say how AMA sucks. It makes me second guess the reason why I am there. It makes me want to move to a different school.

Ugh. Then people start saying "It's not the school, it's the person". I guess I should believe that but somehow I feel like I'm being shortchanged by studying in AMA. Like I *ought* to be able to go to a better school. I guess it sounds stupid when I say it, but I feel like I deserve a better education, like what AMA is teaching me stunts my growth more than helping me.

You know what though? At the final exams for english, I had to write an essay about what I learned from studying the subject that wasn't directly taught to me. What I wrote was this: there is a hidden lesson in everything, something much more important than what is taught. That if we would only take the time to reflect, to dig deeper, we would uncover this hidden lesson much like a buried treasure.

I think the lesson that I ought to take is that of personal development. More than just developing my mind. I ought to take time to develop myself as a person. I never really developed much as a person in my old school days. AMA could be an opportunity. I ought to take a stand, I ought to be more assertive. I ought to reveal more of myself maybe? I'm thinking of her :)